my little patient

it's almost 6pm as i write this, and i can now look at my little patient with a smile who looks so peaceful in the hospital bed, getting that much-needed sleep and rest. the doctor said he can go home tomorrow morning. thank God! overnight his fever didn't recur anymore and various tests revealed positive results. i mean negative for dengue, typhoid etc. whatever viral illness had hit him that lowered his immune system, haay basta viral daw and uso sa kids these days.

it was just yesterday when he had the most difficult time as the pediatric resident doctors tried to extract blood from him for the third time, the last one was thursday night, when he was first given a CBC test. grabe the retaliation he showed! doctors said he has the making of a good lawyer. no one can beat his verbal delaying tactics and no amount of pambobola can convince him. one of the resident doctors told him she would just apply a magic ointment in his arm, and he kept saying: "i want to see it first" so i told the doctor to just show him something parang props lang. haay grabe! still it didn't work. and he kept screaming, "mom i'm scared, let's go home!" everytime, i'd say "di ba you're a brave boy?" he'd go: "no, not anymore!" hehe whose kid isn't afraid of injection? and that time, they had to extract at least 20 cc of blood because of multiple tests that had to be done.

haay my heart was bleeding, if only i could just be the one to undergo all those stuffs. i'd take all needles for him. thanks to ninong jillmer who visited just in time for this "ordeal." raph requested: "ninong will hold my hand and mommy will hug me"...until the whole process is over! afterwhich, raph said that he doesn't want to be a doctor anymore because he's afraid of blood. he's contemplating on becoming a lawyer after hearing it from the doctors hehe...

this is the first time he was ever confined in the hospital. first he had fever and next thing he was already vomitting. it happened after we watched HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL ON ICE last sunday, but in the previous days he had already on & off fever that's why i brought him already to the ER last thursday as out-patient. he was immediately sent home after his fever has subsided and CBC test showed negative for dengue. grabe i was so worried! especially that his dadu was still in cebu that time. and scary talaga 'cause dengue is fatal.

but yesterday...haay, kakatuwa! when i stayed beside him the whole day and didn't attend my taping anymore, he said happily: "sarap talaga ng may mommy, look gumagaling nako!" aaaaawww! sweet! and he would request for occasional kisses and hugs from me.

now that his health has improved...we're finally heading home after 4 days here at st.luke's...and hope not to be back here again for whatever illness. yes he has a health card but it's not something you would wish to use even if you pay a large sum for it.

"urban legend"

it's been more than a week...but still can't get over it!

to the one who caused me to feel so bad about myself, about my worth at work, and questioned my capability...how dare you??? classic ka talaga magpahiya ng tao! the last time was a stupid comment...i thought sorry would make me forget it! but why did you have to embarass me again?

akala mo napakagaling mo? akala mo isa kang living legend? excuse me, sabi nga ng kaibigan ko, isa ka lang URBAN LEGEND!

for a moment, i struggled with my self-esteem...for a moment, i wanted to quit, and not face you forever...but i am standing proud! haharapin kita!!!

haharapin ko ang trabaho ko, marami pa akong patutunayan...hindi sa yo, kundi sa sarili ko! para hindi ako maging urban legend kagaya mo!

on grief and grieving

it was just last night when i was so emotional about lost loved ones...

and just this evening...

another family is left grieving
a husband hurting
brothers and sisters weeping...
and life for everyone will never be the same again!

with death comes all forms of pain one has never imagined.
those who didn't experience similar losses could not know how it exactly felt.
no amount of words can console you or make you feel that the death made sense.

ate marlou, my sister in law in cebu has succumbed to kidney failure...
ate, you will be missed. may the Lord welcome you with open arms in heaven...and be reunited with mommy and dad!

Lord keep Ronald and the rest of the family strong. bless them with healing and acceptance. i pray too that all my lost loved ones are in a better place now and that we will be united someday.

...will never say goodbye

i cried the first time i heard this song...and still do everytime i listen to it. how can i not? i can soo relate. and yes mariah is soo back!

(MTV stated that although the song appears to be about her deceased father, Carey who co-wrote the song "extends this song about death to be for anybody 'who just lost somebody'". Carey believed that by making "Bye Bye" more open, "everybody could kind of be healed by the song and have their own experience listening to it.")

this is for my parents and brother who are up there with Our Creator...

...there's so much more left to say if you were with me today face to face

...i never knew i could hurt like this and everyday life goes on like, i wish i could talk to you for a while

and yes mariah was right...

(though)it's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever...we will never say goodbye.



Bye Bye Video


Mariah Carey Lyrics
Bye Bye Lyrics

NOTE: please don't forget to pause my music playlist at the bottom. thanks for crying with me.